2 months ago, I was basically date raped. I was extremely out of it and not even drunk. I couldn't really give consent. I was taken advantage of completely. This was the day after my cancer scare started. My first day back in St. Cloud.
I've been pushing people away. I want to put a bullet in my head every day. I feel hurt and angry and upset and I'm just sorry for all the people I've been hurting in anger. Being used isn't fun. But that doesn't justify it.
Sometimes, things happen. One of my friends was physically assaulted last month. Things get hard. Things happen. People hurt you. I've spent the night basically crying while doing my homework. Every morning, I wake up wondering why I even should get out of bed. But I do. I get up. I breathe. I try to put myself together. For the most part.
This past weekend, I got so drunk I can't remember what I did. My point is this, sometimes, you fall apart. Sometimes, you just feel like throwing in the towel. But you can't. Yes, things are garbage right now. Yes, I know how hard it is. You feel like your entire world is caving in, so focusing on losing a bunch of weight, or treating others like crap, or pushing others away, withdrawing, and drinking to oblivion. But I can tell you that it has to get better.
So hold on. Because I have to believe that you are worth loving. You are worth happiness. You are worth good things. You don't deserve to be used, thrown away, hit, hated. You know, you deserve to wake up and live. Every day. Just keep going.
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