Comfort.

My discipler told me to get the book Jesus Calling.  It's a devotional for every day of the year.  It takes Bible verses and tells you things that God wants you to know.  It's like God is speaking directly to you, which is really cool.  She told me to look at the day I was born first.  Before even buying it, since I was at WalMart killing time, I turned to my birthday to see why she wanted me to read it so badly.

It's not a secret, I have low-self worth. I used to ask God all the time why I was created.  I felt like He made a mistake the day I was born.  In the first few months after my O.D, I would sit at night crying wondering why God had saved me, because I wanted no part in living, because I felt like I wasn't worthy of life.  I'm 21.  And while my self-esteem has become a lot better than it used to be, it's something I will always struggle with.   This is what God had to say to me about the day I was born:

Bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.  Dare to see yourself as I see you: radiant in My righteousness, cleansed by My blood.  I view you as the one I created you to be, the one you will be in actuality when  heaven becomes your home.  It is My Life within you that is changing you from glory to glory.  Rejoice in this mysterious miracle!  Thank Me continually for the amazing gift of My Spirit within you.

Try to depend on the help of the Spirit as you go through this day of life.  Pause briefly from time to time so you can consult with this Holy One inside you.  He will not force you to do His bidding, but He will guide you as you give Him space in your life.   Walk along this wondrous way of collaboration with My Spirit.  

I was seriously about to sob in the store as I read that.  A few days before that, my Granddad sent me my birthday card.  I was nervous about opening the card because my Grandma was the one to send them every year.  I still have the last one she sent me.  Inside it said the world became a more beautiful place the day you were born.   I got a call from him on my birthday.  He told me how wonderful of a person I am and how I am doing so well and I'm 21.  He said how I have such an amazing gift to offer the world and he was hoping that I could finally see it.  He told me how proud of me my Grandma was and how he knew she would have wanted to eat ice cream with me (our way of celebrating).  She wanted me to know that I was special and how God has His hand on me.   She wanted me to know that God didn't make a mistake by creating me, since she knew that's how I felt every minute of every day for the longest time.

How comforting is it that?  None of you are a mistake.  None of you ever deserve to feel as low as I have felt.  Because you are worthy of life.  You are worthy of love and happiness and I know it's cheesy, but sunshine.  I want all of you to feel so much light and warmth.  Because I have been to some incredibly dark and cold places, and I never want you to feel like that.

You're not a mistake.  You were created with a purpose and I love you so much.