Heart Surgery.

I think it's ironic that I was born with a hole in my heart.  I had it repaired physically in 1991.  One of my favorite songs is Tiny Heart by Flyleaf.  There's another song that means a lot to me that deals with the heart.  Total Eclipse of the Heart has shown up several times.  After one of my overdoses, it was the song playing on the radio when I woke up.  A few years later, itwas in a skit for TreeHouse and that was the song that played.   This woman had these really bad "boyfriends", drinking and drugs, and suicide and everything and then Jesus broke down all the people and everything.  It was really cool and it made me cry.  Especially because I have done every single one of those.  I've used drugs and I've drank.  I've attempted suicide, I've cut.  I've done so many horrible things.  But He still chose to save me.

I need you now tonight.  I need you more than ever.  And if you'd only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever.  Turn around, bright eyes.  My favorite Bible verse is about the heart.  God has been hitting me hard with Ezekiel 16:8 and Ezekiel 36 this week.  I need to let Him clean out my heart because it's still bleeding.  It still has holes.  I have holes I cannot fill. 

It's like, Jesus is standing outside the door and knocking and I'm running away.  I'm sitting bleeding and all He wants is for me to turn around.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not even home. 

It's ironic how cheesy love songs can be so profound.  I would have probably originally hated that song, but it's had such an impact on me.  I don't know what to do and I'm in the dark, but I need You to fix me.