Home + Rehab.

I am sitting in my bed after sleeping for 11 hours.  I landed here in sunny California at noon yesterday.  At 3 I was on my way to Saturday night Church.  God was my first priority when I came back.  I love that.  At about 4 I ran into Amber.  She's my best girlfriend.  Like, legit.  I love this girl like a sister.  A few minutes later I ran into my discipler and we hugged and she said I am so excited to meet with you this week so we can get a plan.  We're meeting with Pastor Phil on Wednesday and then I am meeting with her on Thursday at Islands (this restaurant) because it's where we met the first time.   I ran into Pastor Phil after service, which was about Ruth, and marrying Godly people and how Christ saves us even though we are outsiders and what you might consider damaged goods.  It was such a powerful sermon and exactly what I needed to hear.

I feel like damaged goods.  I don't feel worthy of love, especially love by Jesus.  I feel like one of the reasons I dated so many people that aren't good for me, ahem, my ex, yes?  was because I felt like I didn't deserve anyone better.  I figured that I'm not worth it.  I'm not good enough.  I'm not smart enough or talented enough.  But you know, that's ridiculous.  The thing is that you will never be good enough for Jesus.  That's the entire reason you need Him!!  And boys cannot fill that place in your life.  Boys don't fill the void that only God can.  Drinking can't fill it.  An eating disorder can't fill it.  Drugs can't.  But even if you are struggling with those things, God can still heal you.  He won't leave you regardless of how many times you pull a Jonah and flee.  Looking back, the week before I left for college, we were talking about Jonah in church.  There isn't a single pair of Nike's in the world that are fast enough so that you can outrun God. 

You might be "damaged goods."  I am.  We all have scars.  We all have things we wish we could do differently.  But we are viewed as amazing because God chose to redeem us despite our garbage.  I know I need Rehab.  I need to let God deal with all the stuff in my heart and I need strength and security and love and to really grow my roots deep into Jesus.  I need Rehab.  What about you?