Safe Harbor.

When I was hospitalized for the 3rd or 4th time, I can't remember because after so many they run together, my Dad told me that I needed to have a safe word to say when I felt low so that we could talk instead of me just trying to overdose or whatever else.

We came up with the code Safe Harbor.  When I felt like I had nowhere else to go, I would walk up to him and he would take me somewhere and we would go talk.  Now that I remember, it was during my 3rd hospitalization because my Dad had just come home from Antarctica.

I needed a Safe Harbor because I felt like no one was listening.  I felt like I didn't have a safe place to talk.  I didn't really trust my therapist at this point.  My Mom's solution was just to put me on a bunch of medication that wasn't really working.  My Dad had just come home after being gone for 6 months.  The only reason he stayed as long was because when I had first been hospitalized in November of 2005, my doctors and my Mom convinced him that I was doing okay enough and just hitting a rough patch and I would be fine.  By March of 2006, I had deteriorated rapidly and every day was getting worse.  My Dad was frustrated.  I was tired of waiting for the medication.  I was tired of people judging me and threatening to commit me.

One time, my Dad took me to Old Chicago, a pizzeria in Minnesota right by the high school I was attending.  We went at 9pm on a Tuesday.  We drank coke and ate fries and he told me that he wasn't judging.  That he wanted me to talk to him.  I didn't say much.  I did listen to him tell me though that he wanted me to be able to open up and heal and talk and have a safe place to go.   Even though it was under horrible circumstances, I was suicidal and hurting and he was watching me hurt and he felt powerless, it's one of my fonder memories with my Dad.  We just drank coke and ate fries and talked and I felt a little bit better.  That conversation helped keep me out of the hospital for a few weeks, which was no easy task.

My point is this.  Last night, I kept thinking, Safe Harbor.  Safe Harbor.  Safe Harbor.  I was thinking, okay God, what about it?  I feel like I need to start either a house or a treatment center for young women in the LA area.   I am leaving for Minnesota in 11 days to get my undergrad in Psychology.  But I feel like so many women need a place to go.  They need a place where they aren't judged.  Where they can get healing and have a safe place.   Where they can see the light meet the dark.   I thought I just wanted to work with teenagers, but I think God is taking me in a new direction.   I'll keep praying that God can use me for His glory.

I want everyone to have a Safe Harbor.  I am praying for those hurting, that they can start to heal.